Thanks to me hitting the wrong button, some of you got to read the rough draft… this is better 
Let me point out that the title sales ASSociate was doomed from the get-go.
I worked in retail… once. I had a thriving career at J.Crew for less than 6 weeks. I spent more than I made and I pissed people off on a regular basis. I refused to ask about opening a credit card or point out how much they would save. I refused to approach a customer more than once or upsale by adding items to the dressing room. Looking back, I should have known that being bossed around by someone who was folding shirts while I was studying for Calculus simply wasn’t going to work out for me. Yes, Little Miss “I worked my way up to store manager” and I weren’t exactly a match made in heaven. For the record… I quit. I was not fired. They had a Sunday meeting and I was very honest when they hired me… I was only available Mon-Fri from 9am-5pm. Sunday does not fall in between Monday and Friday. Realizing she might have missed that day in Kindergarten, I clearly explained the days of the week to her. She didn’t like it. I said I didn’t like her. Then I quit and walked out.
I understand the economy is a big ball of shit, however I would think this provides a greater pool of which to select employees. Sometimes I find myself wondering, “Who the crap did he/she sleep with to get this position?”. I was texting with a bride the other night (holla Court!) and the Myers-Briggs test came up. Clearly a very certain high-end retailer does not give this to potential employees. I think retailers sometimes play cruel jokes and hire the most annoying person from the interview process… just because they can.
When shopping alone during the middle of the day I usually dress like a homeless person just so sales associates will leave me alone. Then they see the ring. Damn sparkly piece of perfection With a few hangers in hand, I was quickly started a fitting room. The rest went downhill… fast…
Little Miss Chipper: “I put your clothes in the fitting room. What is your name?”
Me: “Jackie”
Little Miss Chipper: “Really? Me too! (fabulous… she thinks we are bonding) Well if you need any help just let me know… my name is easy to remember.”
Me: “Ok thanks” (clearly I am not encouraging ANY communication)
As I continued to peruse the racks, she came back.
Little Miss Chipper: “Just so you know, the fall lines were put out and now we have some great markdowns!” (exactly what I need… shorts and a tank top for the chilly weather)
Me: “Thanks”
Little Miss Chipper: “Are you looking for something specific?”
Me: “No”
Little Miss Chipper: “So you are just out shopping?”
Me: “Pretty much… I’m just bored.” (luckily she leaves… for now)
All I did was pause in front of the wall of jeans and she swooped back in!
Little Miss Chipper: “Can I help you pick out a certain fit?”
Me: “No. Actually, I am just ready to try my things on.” (at this point I had forgotten what I even handed her)
I’m in and out of the dressing room in five minutes flat. And here we go folks… my favorite sales associate line of all time!
Little Miss Chipper: “So nothing worked out for you?”
Me: “Nope… that would be why everything is still in the dressing room.” (at this point I just don’t care to be nice)
Little Miss Chipper: “Awe, that’s too bad 
”
Seriously? Too bad? Too bad that the pants made my ass look big? Too bad that the sweater dress itched? Or too bad that you didn’t make a sale? Looking back, I think she really seemed sad for me. One would think I would feel bad for being mean to her, but I don’t. She will just annoy me again in the future…
xoxo- J
Nope, not me. Instead it is about this trucker…
